As polls opened this morning, suburban election officials were overwhelmed as swarms of giant roaches showed up to vote. Entomologists quickly assessed them as elusive, but plentiful, white suburban female roaches. With little or no requirements for positive identification, confused poll workers had no choice but to allow the privileged creatures to cast their ballots.
Sunny Hostin, co-host of ABC’s morning program The View, begged the broadcast audience for help. “I’m asking anyone who knows an employee of Orkin, Terminix, Massey Services, whatever. If you know one, send him to the nearest polling place and spray the f**k outta that place.”
Upon hearing Hostin’s plea, VP Harris took to Twitter stating, “if immediate action isn’t taken, this red wave by white roaches will leave nothing but blue democrats”
White House press secretary Karine Jeane-Pierre called an an emergency press conference announcing, “the president has activated the Civil Air Patrol to commence urban crop dusting operations until these threatening beasts are eradicated.”