Behold the Damascus Dispatch Archives: where dark humor and political incorrectness lie waiting to be rediscovered.
- January 1, 2024–January 7, 2024 (1)
- September 18, 2023–September 24, 2023 (2)
- August 28, 2023–September 3, 2023 (3)
- August 21, 2023–August 27, 2023 (6)
- August 14, 2023–August 20, 2023 (5)
- August 7, 2023–August 13, 2023 (3)
- July 31, 2023–August 6, 2023 (4)
- July 24, 2023–July 30, 2023 (1)
- July 17, 2023–July 23, 2023 (6)
- July 10, 2023–July 16, 2023 (5)
- July 3, 2023–July 9, 2023 (5)
- June 26, 2023–July 2, 2023 (2)
- June 19, 2023–June 25, 2023 (2)
- June 12, 2023–June 18, 2023 (4)
- June 5, 2023–June 11, 2023 (7)
- May 29, 2023–June 4, 2023 (2)
- May 22, 2023–May 28, 2023 (3)
- May 15, 2023–May 21, 2023 (1)
- May 1, 2023–May 7, 2023 (5)
- April 24, 2023–April 30, 2023 (7)
- April 17, 2023–April 23, 2023 (5)
- April 10, 2023–April 16, 2023 (5)
- April 3, 2023–April 9, 2023 (7)
- March 27, 2023–April 2, 2023 (6)
- March 20, 2023–March 26, 2023 (6)
- March 13, 2023–March 19, 2023 (7)
- March 6, 2023–March 12, 2023 (7)
- February 27, 2023–March 5, 2023 (7)
- February 20, 2023–February 26, 2023 (7)
- February 13, 2023–February 19, 2023 (7)
- February 6, 2023–February 12, 2023 (6)
- January 30, 2023–February 5, 2023 (7)
- January 23, 2023–January 29, 2023 (7)
- January 16, 2023–January 22, 2023 (8)
- January 9, 2023–January 15, 2023 (7)
- January 2, 2023–January 8, 2023 (8)
- December 26, 2022–January 1, 2023 (1)
- December 26, 2022–January 1, 2023 (8)
- December 19, 2022–December 25, 2022 (9)
- December 12, 2022–December 18, 2022 (7)
- December 5, 2022–December 11, 2022 (7)
- November 28, 2022–December 4, 2022 (7)
- November 21, 2022–November 27, 2022 (7)
- November 14, 2022–November 20, 2022 (7)
- November 7, 2022–November 13, 2022 (7)
- October 31, 2022–November 6, 2022 (5)
- Spaceforce Academy Routs Marine Corps 1-0 in Blackrock Diversity & Inclusion Bowl
The US Space Force Academy’s “Proud Peacocks” trounced the Marine Corps in the first anal Blackrock Diversity and Inclusion Bowl sponsored by Massengill. The game,… Read more: Spaceforce Academy Routs Marine Corps 1-0 in Blackrock Diversity & Inclusion Bowl - Biden Releases Additional $6Bn to Iran for a Scoop of Ice Cream
The Biden administration has released an additional $6 billion dollars to Iran after being offered a scoop of ice cream. The single scoop of ice… Read more: Biden Releases Additional $6Bn to Iran for a Scoop of Ice Cream - Chest Cancer Awareness Month Announced by NFL
The NFL is looking for creative ways to increase its viewership which has been in decline for years. Their marketing geniuses have come up with… Read more: Chest Cancer Awareness Month Announced by NFL - Teen Drivers Frustrated at Becoming Their Parents’ Personal DoorDashers
Teen drivers, frustrated at becoming their parents’ personal door dashers, have created support groups at high schools across the country. They are gathering to lament… Read more: Teen Drivers Frustrated at Becoming Their Parents’ Personal DoorDashers - The Ultimate Home School Lunchbox
Right wing extreme survival food company Revolt Foods has just released their 2023 back-to-school lineup. Headlining this year’s product offerings is the ammo can, ultimate… Read more: The Ultimate Home School Lunchbox - NASCAR Bans Texting While Driving After Sunday’s Crash
After a wild crash where Ryan Preece experienced numerous arial barrel rolls at Daytona this weekend, NASCAR finally bans texting while driving. - Millennial Boomerangers Offended When Parents Rename Street Cockblock Blvd
Asheville, NC A group of parents, whose children returned home after successfully completing college, petitioned to have their street renamed. Residents of Kenilworth Road were… Read more: Millennial Boomerangers Offended When Parents Rename Street Cockblock Blvd - Jordan Peterson Compelled to Attend North Korean Reeducation Camp
The Ontario Superior Court has upheld the College of Psychologists sanctioning of Dr. Jordan Peterson. The college has imposed a fine of $25,000 Canadian Dollars… Read more: Jordan Peterson Compelled to Attend North Korean Reeducation Camp - Bud Light Juice Box Campaign Launched by Rachel Zegler
AB-Inbev announced today their new Bud Light juice box campaign starring Rachel Zegler. According to Chief Marketing Officer Benoit Garbe, the intent is to attract… Read more: Bud Light Juice Box Campaign Launched by Rachel Zegler - Biden Wins Republican Debate as 57 Candidates Continue to Divide Their Party
Even the most casual political observer would agree that Biden came out on top of last nights debate. The 57 republican candidates argued over who… Read more: Biden Wins Republican Debate as 57 Candidates Continue to Divide Their Party - Biden Pledges Kittens for Maui Wildfire Victims
The president was finally pressured to end his beach vacation to visit the Maui wildfire site. He addressed a crowd of nearly 1,000 ashen corpses… Read more: Biden Pledges Kittens for Maui Wildfire Victims - FDA Bans Fudge Rounds After Oliver Anthony Uproar
Hundreds of workers will lose their jobs after the FDA bans fudge rounds. The FDA action was triggered by the release of Oliver Anthony’s viral… Read more: FDA Bans Fudge Rounds After Oliver Anthony Uproar - DOE Proposes New Certified Recycled Traceability (CRT) Program
In an effort to save the planet, many consumers are looking for products that incorporate recycled materials. But there are two big problems environmentally conscientious… Read more: DOE Proposes New Certified Recycled Traceability (CRT) Program - Savvy Investors Prefer Lead
While gold is the best hedge against inflation, today’s savvy investors prefer lead. Most investment strategies are based on relatively predictable – or at least… Read more: Savvy Investors Prefer Lead - Man Dies of Thirst Searching for Hydration App on Apple Watch
When a man dies of thirst, people immediately wonder if he was lost in the desert or wilderness somewhere. But not these days. Recently, 27… Read more: Man Dies of Thirst Searching for Hydration App on Apple Watch - Biden Pardons Ghislane Maxwell on the Grounds There Were No Miners on Epstein Island
In an unprecedented move Tuesday, President Joe Biden gave a full presidential pardon to convicted sex trafficker Ghislane Maxwell. At a press conference Biden stated,… Read more: Biden Pardons Ghislane Maxwell on the Grounds There Were No Miners on Epstein Island - DOJ Opens Investigation into Oliver Anthony For Tax Evasion, Drugs, Plagiarism, Incitement, Election Tampering, Fat Shaming, & Libel
The DOJ has opened an investigation into Oliver Anthony for numerous violations of the law. Anthony is the weekend internet sensation whose song “Rich Men… Read more: DOJ Opens Investigation into Oliver Anthony For Tax Evasion, Drugs, Plagiarism, Incitement, Election Tampering, Fat Shaming, & Libel - Woman Loses Arm Trying to Remove Sweaty Sports Bra
A woman who recently took up fitness classes to improve her health, lost her left arm while trying to remove a sweaty sports bra. The… Read more: Woman Loses Arm Trying to Remove Sweaty Sports Bra - DOE Bans Gas Generators. Requires Home Generators Be All Electric by 2022
In another effort to “save the planet“, the DOE bans gas generators. Additionally, they’ve demanded that residential and commercial generators be all electric by December… Read more: DOE Bans Gas Generators. Requires Home Generators Be All Electric by 2022 - First Ever World Cup Participation Trophy Awarded to USWNT
Megan Rapinoe and the US Womens National Team (USWNT) suffered a stunning loss to Sweden Sunday. However, the loss didn’t keep the USWNT from “celebrating… Read more: First Ever World Cup Participation Trophy Awarded to USWNT - Transplaining: The Latest Tactic of Far-Right Extremists
Far right extremists have been pulling out all the stops lately to counter the Trans movement. Transplaining is their latest tactic. You may be wondering,… Read more: Transplaining: The Latest Tactic of Far-Right Extremists - NEA Bans Term Concertmaster Out of Racism Fears
The National Endowment of the Arts (NEA) has banned the term Concertmaster because of its racist connotations. The NEA announced that it will cease funding… Read more: NEA Bans Term Concertmaster Out of Racism Fears - California Child Molester Transferring to Juvenile Detention Center After Filing TransMinor Status
Convicted California Child Molester, Chester Nutlick, has been granted a transfer to a juvenile detention center. This after Mr. Nutlick declared that he identified as… Read more: California Child Molester Transferring to Juvenile Detention Center After Filing TransMinor Status - Tampax Offers Trans Training Kits, Promoted By Miss Netherlands 2023
In an effort to become even more inclusive, Tampax now offers “Trans Training Kits” designed to teach men how to be women. The trans training… Read more: Tampax Offers Trans Training Kits, Promoted By Miss Netherlands 2023 - Biden Declared Incompetent to Face Bribery Charges. Still Qualified to Lead the U.S.
Sunday, the DOJ made a preemptive move having President Joe Biden declared incompetent to face any charges related to bribery, corruption, embezzlement, sexual harassment, child… Read more: Biden Declared Incompetent to Face Bribery Charges. Still Qualified to Lead the U.S. - Another Old Favorite
Since the writers are on strike, we’re sharing another old favorite. Here’s a link to our very first post at Damascus Dispatch. - Post From the Past
Since the writers are on strike, here is a favorite post from the past. Here’s a link to a great article about Biden’s first coloring… Read more: Post From the Past - Harris’ 10 Point Population Reduction Plan
Last Friday, Kamala Harris stated in a speech that the US needed to reduce population to help fight The Impending Climate Disaster. Today, the office… Read more: Harris’ 10 Point Population Reduction Plan - Damascus Dispatch Writers Strike: They’re Just A Bunch of Whiney B!tc#e$
Yesterday another Damascus Dispatch writers strike was announced by the staff here at DamDis.com. What’s sad is that they have no idea what they’re talking… Read more: Damascus Dispatch Writers Strike: They’re Just A Bunch of Whiney B!tc#e$ - Writers Rage Against Elitist Behavior as Damascus Dispatch Editor Takes Vacation
After eight months, one week, and six days of nonstop operations, Damascus Dispatch Editor in Chief, Peter Socul, decided it was time for a vacation.… Read more: Writers Rage Against Elitist Behavior as Damascus Dispatch Editor Takes Vacation - Reduce Population?Kamala Harris suggests that if we reduce population, we can have more clean air for our children. WTF?
- Information Contagion Bigger Threat than Global Warming
The Biden administration has declared “Information Contagion” aka InfoCon as a greater threat to humanity than global warming. In a recent address, Vice President Kamala… Read more: Information Contagion Bigger Threat than Global Warming - Biden Sends Troops to Europe “Because We’re Running Out of Ammo”
President Joe Biden announced yesterday that he’d be sending up to 3,000 reservists to Europe. This, in an effort to augment existing forces there in… Read more: Biden Sends Troops to Europe “Because We’re Running Out of Ammo” - Global Climate Activists Alarmed at Starlink Satellites Blocking Necessary Solar Energy
A recently posted Instagram reel shows a horrifying animation of all the Starlink satellites that have been deployed to date. In the video you can… Read more: Global Climate Activists Alarmed at Starlink Satellites Blocking Necessary Solar Energy - Global Warming Alarmists Rejoice at Starlink Satellites Blocking Harmful Solar Rays
A recently posted Instagram reel shows an amazing animation of all the Starlink satellites that have been deployed to date. In the video you can… Read more: Global Warming Alarmists Rejoice at Starlink Satellites Blocking Harmful Solar Rays - Meister Brau Crushes Bud Light for No 2 Sales Spot
World’s worst beer, Meister Brau crushes Bud Light in sales for the first time ever and takes the number two sales spot in the United… Read more: Meister Brau Crushes Bud Light for No 2 Sales Spot - China Declares Prime Day a National Holiday
China declares Prime Day as a national holiday on expectations it will generate billions in tax free revenue. Thanks to an obscure trade law known… Read more: China Declares Prime Day a National Holiday - Share a Coke With Hunter Selling for $63,296 on Ebay
Back in 2012, this seemingly innocuous bottle of Coca-Cola sold for 82 cents but if you want to Share a Coke with Hunter today it’ll… Read more: Share a Coke With Hunter Selling for $63,296 on Ebay - Millions of Children Survived Zero Mass Shootings at Small Town Fourth of July Parades Across America Despite Presence of Thousands of Concealed Handguns, Assault Rifles, & Shotguns
Mainstream media (MSM) is not under fire for reporting that millions of children survived absolutely zero mass shootings across the country on Tuesday. Unsurprisingly, the… Read more: Millions of Children Survived Zero Mass Shootings at Small Town Fourth of July Parades Across America Despite Presence of Thousands of Concealed Handguns, Assault Rifles, & Shotguns - Oval Office Blowjob was a Much Worse Offense Than West Wing Cocaine, According to Hillary
Former First Lady Hillary Clinton weighed in on the recent West Wing cocaine debacle during an interview on Jimmy Kimmel Live. When asked about her… Read more: Oval Office Blowjob was a Much Worse Offense Than West Wing Cocaine, According to Hillary - Hunter Biden Reports “Recreational Pharmaceuticals” Stolen from Whitehouse Bedroom. Denies Connection to Cocaine Found in West Wing
Immediately after reporting that there was cocaine found in the West Wing of the White House, the Central Intelligence Agency (CIA) scrambled to suppress evidence… Read more: Hunter Biden Reports “Recreational Pharmaceuticals” Stolen from Whitehouse Bedroom. Denies Connection to Cocaine Found in West Wing - Solid Waste Environmental Efficiency Plan Aims to Reduce Carbon Emissions in NYC
New York City Department of Environmental Protection is at it again, finding creative new ways to reduce the city’s carbon footprint. Their latest effort, the… Read more: Solid Waste Environmental Efficiency Plan Aims to Reduce Carbon Emissions in NYC - NYC Environmental Department Imposes Pizzeria Meat Restrictions
Last week, New York City’s Department of Environmental Protection (DEP) implemented new rules to save the planet. The new regulations require restaurants using coal or… Read more: NYC Environmental Department Imposes Pizzeria Meat Restrictions - Investors Flee Vanguard After Hearing BlackRock Offers Low Price Senators at $10K
Investment giant Vanguard is losing investors after an undercover video from James O’keefe dropped on twitter last night. In the video, a BlackRock recruiter brags… Read more: Investors Flee Vanguard After Hearing BlackRock Offers Low Price Senators at $10K - Uncle Raul Hosts Trudeau on Father’s Day in Cuba
Canadian Prime Minister, Justin Trudeau, made a surprise last minute trip to Cuba on Sunday to celebrate Father’s Day. Upon arriving he was personally received… Read more: Uncle Raul Hosts Trudeau on Father’s Day in Cuba - Fathers Day Barbeque Ends in Tragedy When Dad Insists on Barbecuing in a Rain Poncho
Damascus Dispatch field correspondent and investigative reporter, Tim Tinker’s Fathers day ended tragically after he insisted on grilling in the rain. As a lifelong Father’s… Read more: Fathers Day Barbeque Ends in Tragedy When Dad Insists on Barbecuing in a Rain Poncho - BlackRock, Vanguard Forced to Invest in Remington Arms Based on High ESG Scores
In a surprising twist, activist investment giants BlackRock and Vanguard are being forced to invest in some unusual “ethical” companies. Based on the investment groups… Read more: BlackRock, Vanguard Forced to Invest in Remington Arms Based on High ESG Scores - TSA to Implement Trans Scanners
Recently, an airline passenger couldn’t be successfully screened as either “male” or “female” by airport passenger scanning devices. The “trans” identifying person was initially sent… Read more: TSA to Implement Trans Scanners - Pathetic Pride Flag Display Triggers SPLC Lawsuit
The Southern Poverty Law Center (SPLC) is suing the US Government over its pathetic pride flag display this weekend. SPLC Chairman Logan Aimone announced the… Read more: Pathetic Pride Flag Display Triggers SPLC Lawsuit - Man Busted After Wife Discovers Secret Nextdoor Kitten Adoption Search Results
A man was busted by his wife after she discovered he was secretly searching for kitten adoptions on the popular neighborhood app “Nextdoor”. The secret… Read more: Man Busted After Wife Discovers Secret Nextdoor Kitten Adoption Search Results - Mistaken Castration: Bizarre New Crime Wave
“Francis” Elmsway recently woke up in a hospital with a cataclysmic pain in his crotch. He knew that his vasectomy was going to be painful,… Read more: Mistaken Castration: Bizarre New Crime Wave - Bidens Bud Light Bailout: The Beer Too Big To Fail
Late Thursday evening, President Joe Biden signed a landmark executive order that will authorize the Bureau of Alcohol Tobacco and Firearms (BATF) to bail out… Read more: Bidens Bud Light Bailout: The Beer Too Big To Fail - Joint Forces Pride Medal Announced by DoD
Not to be outdone by Girl Scouts, today the US Department of Defense (DoD) Announced their release of the newly commissioned Joint Forces Pride Medal.… Read more: Joint Forces Pride Medal Announced by DoD - Screen Time Limits for Pets Now Included in SPCA Adoption Standards
The Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals (SPCA) recently announced updates to its adoption standards. All new adoption contracts will include screen time… Read more: Screen Time Limits for Pets Now Included in SPCA Adoption Standards - Top Harris Staffer Resigns After Sandbags Found in VPs Office
The Senior advisor to Vice President Kamala Harris resigned Monday after an investigation uncovered hundreds of sandbags stored in the Vice President’s office. Lynette “Squeaky”… Read more: Top Harris Staffer Resigns After Sandbags Found in VPs Office - Pantone Racial Color Palette Available as “Race” on Passports, Other Government Documents
In an effort to become more inclusive, the US State Department announced that it would allow new passport applicants to select a Pantone color as… Read more: Pantone Racial Color Palette Available as “Race” on Passports, Other Government Documents - The Only MLB Player With Balls
Well, at least one player has some. - Moose Knuckle Swimwear: The Latest Collaboration From Target, North Face
After losing $6 Billion in market value last week, Target has doubled down on its trans clothing offerings. On Saturday, they announced the launch of… Read more: Moose Knuckle Swimwear: The Latest Collaboration From Target, North Face - Fearing Conservative Blowback, Allison Transmission Rebrands
Allison Transmission (ALSN) has announced that they will be rebranding after the Bud Light debacle. Executives of the company fear that consumers may be confused… Read more: Fearing Conservative Blowback, Allison Transmission Rebrands - Dodgers To Dress in Drag on Pride Night
In an effort to shore up support of lgbTq÷n, baseball’s largest fanbase, the LA Dodgers will dress in drag for their game on pride night,… Read more: Dodgers To Dress in Drag on Pride Night - \\\\\\\\\544444444444444444444444
? 1222222222bb42z Amelia is too cute for the internet. In her first ever post, servers across the globe crashed as people couldn’t get enough of… Read more: \\\\\\\\\544444444444444444444444 - Damascus Dispatch Writers Strike Ends After One Week
The staff at Damascus Dispatch are back to work after just one week of picketing. Their complaints? Long hours, low pay, unjustified suspensions and lack… Read more: Damascus Dispatch Writers Strike Ends After One Week - 10 Offensive Things You Should Stop Doing Today!
Eating breakfast: it’s a sign of privilege. Most people in America and across the globe don’t make enough money to eat breakfast, so you shouldn’t… Read more: 10 Offensive Things You Should Stop Doing Today! - Age of Enfrightenment AI Slide Show
The Age of Enfrightenment as depicted by the Artificial Intelligence engine Stable Diffusion - The Age of Enfrightenment
In the year 3523, historians will undoubtedly look back 1500 years and reflect on the current time period as “The Age of Enfrightenment”. This period… Read more: The Age of Enfrightenment - Colleges Struggling to Find Students Who Can Tie Their Own Shoes
Colleges and universities across America are facing an enrollment crisis. For decades they’ve been lowering, relaxing, or completely eliminating merit based admission policies. With enrollment… Read more: Colleges Struggling to Find Students Who Can Tie Their Own Shoes - ChatGPT Botches First Ever AI Assisted Trans Surgery on 6-Year-Old
Doctors at Boston Childrens Hospital expected to make history this weekend in the first ever AI assisted Trans surgery on a six year-old boy. Doctors… Read more: ChatGPT Botches First Ever AI Assisted Trans Surgery on 6-Year-Old - Browns Season Peaked With 3rd Round Draft Picks
As is the longstanding tradition, the Cleveland Browns season peaked during the NFL draft. Browns traded their first and second round draft picks for veteran… Read more: Browns Season Peaked With 3rd Round Draft Picks - Idiots Guide to Pride Flags
In case you were wondering what all those colorful flags mean, Damascus Dispatch is here to clear things up. Surprisingly, there are almost as many… Read more: Idiots Guide to Pride Flags - Maybe He’s Born With It. Maybe It’s Make Believe!
In yet another example of how men are better at everything than women, this douchebag got a contract with Maybeline. Yes, he’s promoting makeup that… Read more: Maybe He’s Born With It. Maybe It’s Make Believe! - Just Say NE: First Lady’s New Mantra
As if to mock former first lady Nancy Regan, first Lady Jill Biden has come out with an original new slogan “Just Say NE” (pronounced… Read more: Just Say NE: First Lady’s New Mantra - Biden Finishes First Coloring BookPresident Joe Biden proudly displayed his first completed coloring book since assuming office over two years ago. White house press secretary Karine Jean-Pierre announced the… Read more: Biden Finishes First Coloring Book
- UN Endorses Pedophilia Decriminalization Ahead of Ghislaine Maxwell Releasing Epstein Client List
Ghislaine Maxwell, now defamed cohort of the notorious pedophile Jefferey Epstein, has signaled that she’s ready to talk. Specifically, she’s ready to release the coveted… Read more: UN Endorses Pedophilia Decriminalization Ahead of Ghislaine Maxwell Releasing Epstein Client List - Bud Light Anxiety Disorder Affecting Millions of Beer Drinkers Looking for a New Brand
If you were thinking the mental health crisis in America couldn’t get any worse, you’d be wrong. Social workers across the nation are becoming overwhelmed… Read more: Bud Light Anxiety Disorder Affecting Millions of Beer Drinkers Looking for a New Brand - CCP Taking Over California
The California Communist Party (CCP) led by King Newsom, is taking over California. Confused? You shouldn’t be, because three electric companies have filed for pricing… Read more: CCP Taking Over California - Welcome to the United States Socialist Republic
President Joe Biden signed an executive order Friday effectively changing the USA to USSR. The United States Socialist Republic now requires responsible homebuyers to pay… Read more: Welcome to the United States Socialist Republic - Buttigieg Ecstatic: EVs Threaten Infrastructure Making Way for Massive Public Works
The collapse of an aging parking garage in New York has shed new light on the Green revolution. Namely that Electric cars are significantly heavier… Read more: Buttigieg Ecstatic: EVs Threaten Infrastructure Making Way for Massive Public Works - Patient Dies After 5th Year Resident Performs Digital Rectal Exam with iPhone
Major medical schools have been dropping admission requirements in order to attract more marginalized groups into their programs. With lowered standards some students are accepted… Read more: Patient Dies After 5th Year Resident Performs Digital Rectal Exam with iPhone - Compensationday is More Inclusive than ‘Payday’ According to Labor Department
The US Department of Labor has joined other administrative branches in their fight to control language. They have quietly replaced the word “payday” throughout the… Read more: Compensationday is More Inclusive than ‘Payday’ According to Labor Department - Divorce. It’s What’s for Dinner
For decades, the leading cause of divorce in America has been money. Financial crisis can be triggered by any number of things: emergencies, poor planning,… Read more: Divorce. It’s What’s for Dinner - Top 10 Excuses for Not Going into the Office Today
For nearly three years many people have been leisurely ‘working’ from home due to the COVID pandemic. Now that it is over, more and more… Read more: Top 10 Excuses for Not Going into the Office Today - CSAS, The Latest Covid Outbreak
Millions of pets (and pet owners) are suffering from a rare after effect of the Covid pandemic: Covid Separation Anxiety Syndrome, or CSAS. The latest… Read more: CSAS, The Latest Covid Outbreak - WNBA Ratings Soar After Sue Bird Greenlights Men Competing in Women’s Sports
Shortly after Sue Bird advocated for allowing anyone to compete as a woman in women’s sports, a couple of strange things happened. Graduating athletes from… Read more: WNBA Ratings Soar After Sue Bird Greenlights Men Competing in Women’s Sports - Biden Contemplating 2024 Presidential Run
President Joe Biden announced over the weekend that he’d consider running for president in 2024 to resolve problems invoked by the current administration. His announcement… Read more: Biden Contemplating 2024 Presidential Run - FDA Recommended Easter Dinner, 2023
The U.S. Food and Drug Administration (FDA), along with most other administrative offices of the government, have shifted their traditional focus. In the past, FDA’s… Read more: FDA Recommended Easter Dinner, 2023 - Affordable Coal Stoves Making a Comeback
With the Department of Energy (DoE) pushing to ban gas stoves, many Americans are looking for alternatives to increasingly expensive electric options. Many experts agree… Read more: Affordable Coal Stoves Making a Comeback - Daily Wire+ Announces Jeremy’s Beer
Tired of international mega conglomerations pushing radical ideologies down your throat? Well, so is self-proclaimed god King Jeremy Boring of the Daily Wire. In light… Read more: Daily Wire+ Announces Jeremy’s Beer - InBev Converts Budweiser Brewery to Michelob Following Redneck Boycott
The world’s largest brewer, AB InBev, announced plans to convert its Budweiser brewery to Michelob after rednecks boycotted the famous Budweiser brand. The boycott came… Read more: InBev Converts Budweiser Brewery to Michelob Following Redneck Boycott - Man Flosses Twice a Day for Two Years, Still Disappoints Dental Hygienist
Greg Handy is your everyday average guy. He’s 32 years old, eats healthy, works out four times a week, and by every measure, is the… Read more: Man Flosses Twice a Day for Two Years, Still Disappoints Dental Hygienist - Faktignor, the Miracle Cure for Media Bias Syndrome (MBS)
Are you, or someone you love, suffering from mainstream Media Bias Syndrome (MBS)? You should talk to your doctor about Faktignor. People taking Faktignor should… Read more: Faktignor, the Miracle Cure for Media Bias Syndrome (MBS) - Federal Prison System No Longer Building Men’s Correctional Facilities
The US federal prison system announced that it would no longer be building men’s correctional facilities. It isn’t because there are fewer male inmates. It’s… Read more: Federal Prison System No Longer Building Men’s Correctional Facilities - Outlandish Headlines Prompt Damascus Dispatch to Acquire CNN
Damascus Dispatch has soared to the top of search engine results in recent weeks with its hard-hitting satire. Still, company executives are pursuing every opportunity… Read more: Outlandish Headlines Prompt Damascus Dispatch to Acquire CNN - Trump to Occupy Jeffery Epstein’s Former Manhattan Jail Cell After Grand Jury Indictment.
Former President Donald Trump was indicted by a grand jury Thursday on undisclosed charges. Sources in the New York Police Department say that he will… Read more: Trump to Occupy Jeffery Epstein’s Former Manhattan Jail Cell After Grand Jury Indictment. - Play Along Toys, Maker of Cabbage Patch Kids, Cancelled for Digital Blackface
US toymaker Play Along Toys, maker of Cabbage Patch Kids, has been cancelled for digital blackface. The Twitterverse erupted when an image of one of… Read more: Play Along Toys, Maker of Cabbage Patch Kids, Cancelled for Digital Blackface - Anonymous Layoff Reportedly the Result of Rival Redneck Hacktivist Group UnOminous
Earlier this week, a popular hacktivist group announced a massive downsizing. The Anonymous layoff of 15,000 “consultants” wraps up this week. After the announcement Monday,… Read more: Anonymous Layoff Reportedly the Result of Rival Redneck Hacktivist Group UnOminous - Dilford Schlage Reinstated After CNN Scoops Digital Blackface
On March 11th Damascus Dispatch suspended field correspondent Dilford Schlage for suspected identity fraud. exactly two weeks later, CNN scoops digital blackface and takes it… Read more: Dilford Schlage Reinstated After CNN Scoops Digital Blackface - Hacktivist Group Anonymous Announced Huge Layoff, Releasing 15,000 “Consultants” By Friday
Famous hacker group Anonymous announced a huge layoff today of 15,000 “Consultants” by Friday due to lack of funding. The group had been syphoning funds… Read more: Hacktivist Group Anonymous Announced Huge Layoff, Releasing 15,000 “Consultants” By Friday - Buttigieg to Discuss Runway Equity at Charlotte Airport.
On Wednesday of this week, Transportation Secretary Pete Buttigieg is scheduled to address the aviation community in Charlotte, North Carolina. The Queen City is the… Read more: Buttigieg to Discuss Runway Equity at Charlotte Airport. - Ten Reasons to Resist Returning to The Office
In the wake of major corporations announcing in person work requirements, people are looking for ways out of it. Hours of research on popular news… Read more: Ten Reasons to Resist Returning to The Office - AI Allows Cats to Text Their Owners, But They Don’t
Artificial Intelligence giant Open AI has just released their latest product, CatGPT. This revolutionary new AI allows cats to text their owners. The only problem… Read more: AI Allows Cats to Text Their Owners, But They Don’t