After a huge round of Twitter backlash Sunday, ESPN caved to pressure from the LgbTq+ community. The commotion started with a tweet from blue check user @Trans4Fun when he stated, “With all the college upsets this weekend, none was bigger than seeing nothing but cisgendered sideline reporters on the field and in locker rooms. It’s long past time that @ESPN provided fair representation of the trans community in these venues. #TransSportsMatter”
ESPN responded almost immediately stating “Great timing @Trans4Fun! We couldn’t agree more that #TransSportsMatter and are on the verge of a HUGE! announcement for the upcoming 2022 BlackRock Humanitarian bowl. Stay tuned” Hours later, ESPN69 held a press conference to introduce their latest sideline reporter. President of ESPN, James Pitaro opened the briefing, “I have some great news for all you sports fans out there. For years, the field of football announcing, and sportscasting in general, had been dominated by exclusively by privileged cicgendered white men. Gradually, minorities, and eventually a few women were begrudgingly allowed into that press core. Today, with great pride, ESPN69 is making a bold brave move. I personally am proud to introduce the first openly gay transgendered black latinx muslim sidline reporter, who we have affectionately come to know as Infinity.”
Infinity sensuously took the mic with a slurping gesture and mild, “wrowr,” cat noise. “Thanks Jim,” said the 6’7″ 440lb blond bombshell whose odd looking headcovering hid all but a few whisps of hair, eyes and a pronounced Adams apple. A brightly colored burqa/mumu covered the rest of the reporter’s body. “I’m just so proud to be a part of this family and to be the first to represent the LgbTq+n community in sports.”
He/she/it then fielded questions from the audience where the first question from Peter Doocy of Fox News, “You said LgbTq+n. I’m not familiar with that acronym. What does the n stand for?” to which Infinity replied, “We are taking LgbTq+ to a whole new level. Exponentially greater, I represent the nth power of LgbTq+” The next question was about his/her/its headcovering. “That’s a very unique headcovering, is it a hijab, or scarf, or something?” “It is a blended representation of my catholic upbringing and subsequent conversion to Islam that I call a habitibjab.”