Upon hearing that killer robots will be used by San Francisco police, the local 666 Suicide Bombers Union planned a peaceful protest on Friday. It ended tragically with all of the protesters simultaneously exploding when their improvised suicide vests were activated. Trouble began when their leader started up a chant: “WHAT DO WE WANT?!!!!” To which protesters responded, “TO BLOW UP!!!” The leader then asked, “WHEN DO WE WANT IT?!!!!!” Almost immediately, a series of explosions rocked the street in front of police headquarters, shattering windows and activating car alarms for blocks. When the dust settled, not a single member of the local 666 Suicide Bombers Union was left alive. Fortunately, there were no other fatalities and only a few minor injuries.
Research into the union’s Facebook page, which is maintained in Arabic, showed that members were unhappy with the city’s decision to use explosive laden robots to control public activity. “These robots could put us out of business,” lamented a union foreman. Another member worried, “it could put an end to family stipends if these robots become publicly acceptable in evil America.” The union leader expressed his disappointment in the irony that, “these infidels are defunding the police only to re-fund the military industrial complex.”
US Representative Ilhan Omar (D), Minnesota shrieked her disappointment in a CBS news interview. “These pigs have been mistreating marginalized communities forever. Now the decisions they’re making has even further marginalized radical Islamists by eliminating one group entirely.” She concluded with a direct attack on the speaker of the house. “Speaker Pelosi is complicit in this evil as it is her native San Francisco that is enabling these nefarious activities.”