Two Weeks to Slow the Curve
The USDA announced today a temporary order to help slow down inflation. White House press secretary Karine Jean-Pierre was pleased to share the story as follows, “In light the slower than expected results of the Federal Reserve actions to curb inflation, the president and his administration have enlisted help from the USDA. We are proud to announce that they have opened a whole new avenue for people to acquire nutritious, wholesome, flavorful meat products. This monumental feat is accomplished by temporarily allowing certain canned pet foods to be labeled ‘fit for human consumption’. As I said, this is a temporary measure, two weeks, to get people through the holiday season.”
In a flurry of questions from the white house press corps, we learned additional details. Several brands including Alpo, Ken-L-Ration, Blue Buffalo, and Fresh Pet are included in the program. Additionally, Wal Mart’s American made Old Roy brand will be incorporated into the federal school lunch program through the end of the ’22-’23 school year. The Social Security Administration will also be combining BOGO coupons with the December 15 and January 1st check distributions. The BOGO coupon deals are, however, limited to one case per customer.
Purse Pets Suffer Yet Another Crushing Blow (Move Over Rover)
There is one unfortunate downside to this announcement. High end ‘purse pets‘ have already been severely impacted by the more than 80,000 recent tech layoffs. With canned dog food now fit for human consumption, there is a very real potential for shortages. Glam purse pets are now more likely than ever to be downgraded to dry kibble.
Unintended Consequences Aren’t Always Bad
Three of the world’s largest paper producers International Paper, Georgia Pacific, and Weyerhaeuser have announced plans to ramp up toilet paper production. Forecasters in the industry anticipate consumption of canned dog food will trigger significant runs on the toilet tissue products.