Early Wednesday, President Joe Biden presented Kamala Harris with the prestigious Lorem Ipsum award for public speaking. With her long history of meaningless speaking engagements, it comes as no surprise that she has been awarded this honor. At the presentation ceremony, Biden said, “I don’t know anyone who can speak so many words without actually saying anything. Her natural ability to create meaningless sentences that don’t distract from the party agenda is unparalleled.”
The president couldn’t help himself in relaying a personal anecdote. “I am especially honored to be presenting this award because my dad actually met Lorem Ipsum as a young boy. I remember him telling me about it when I was struggling with speech class in Junior High School,” Biden said as he began spinning his latest yarn. “Dad said, ‘Joey, I know you’ll find this hard to believe, but when I was your age, having the same trouble with public speaking, I met a man named Lorem Ipsum. He told me that the secret to good speaking is not coherent content or even the truth. What matters is that you make people listen.’“
Lorem Ipsum International, the polar opposite of Toastmasters, is an organization dedicated to the art of doublespeak. Their prestigious annual Lorem Ipsum award is offered monthly to public speakers who effortlessly obfuscate the truth through meaningless speech. In awarding Harris the annual Lorem Ipsum award, the organization cements its mission. That is, to have language purposefully designed to have no meaning, but appear as if it does, making it the perfect placeholder.