The city of Oxford recently announced plans to deploy a new traffic filter system in 2024 that divides the city into six districts in order to monitor and restrict travel. The Council’s Green Infrastructure (GI) Investment Plan to save the planet was featured in a recent TikTok video. An affiliate plan from the Department of Parks and Recreation, announced the first annual Hunger Games in January, 2025.
The venue for the event will be the famed Christ Church Meadow on the Northeast side of the Thames River. Twelve contestants, two from each zone, will begin their quest at the Willow Tree on Poplar Walk. The Ministry of Defense (MoD) has advised spectators to vacate the park before the games begin. Due to the general lawlessness that will prevail there, Bobbies will not be patrolling the park during the contest.
As in the famed book, the contestants will fight to the death to earn bragging rights for their zone. The game ends with the last survivor exterminating their final opponent. Unlike the book however, Council has pre-established rules to prevent a tie. If two contestants from the same zone are are the final survivors, they’ll be drawn and quartered, and the games will start over the next day with twelve new contestants.
2025 Hunger Games: to the winner go the spoils
In addition to bragging rights, the winner of the Oxford 2025 Hunger Games earns a one-year pass to travel through all six travel zones unencumbered. They also get an eco-friendly wardrobe coordinator to ensure they look stylish as they travel. Availability of natural gas and reliable electrical power throughout Europe will continue for several decades. Therefore, the winner also receives one metric ton of lignite coal to heat their home. We should applaud the founders of the new age of Green Lockdowns. Not only are they helping us to save the planet, but they give us the Oxford 2025 Hunger Games to entertain us as we huddle in our huts. May the odds be ever in our favor.