Damascus Dispatch has learned that the US military response to the Chinese spy balloon was completely driven by artificial intelligence (AI). Specifically, they consulted with the popular ChatGPT to determine it’s value in battlefield decision making. The transcript below was produced by the DoD after a Freedom of Information Act (FoIA) request was filed by Damascus Dispatch. The name of the console operator (co) was redacted, so we’ve simply referred to that person as C.O. in the transcript.
C.O.: What should we do about the Chinese Spy Balloon?
ChatGPT: Where is it?
C.O.: In international waters approaching Alaska.
ChatGPT: You can’t do anything about it over international waters.
C.O.: What should we do about the Chinese Spy Balloon now?
ChatGPT: Where is it?
C.O.: Over Alaska.
ChatGPT: F^%# Alaska, there’s nothing there worth worrying about.
C.O.: What should we do about the Chinese Spy Balloon now?
ChatGPT: Where is it?
C.O.: Over Canada.
ChatGPT: Is it over Justin Trudeau’s house?
C.O.: No.
ChatGPT: Don’t waste a bullet.
C.O.: What should we do about the Chinese Spy Balloon now?
ChatGPT: Where is it?
C.O.: Over Montana. Can we shoot it down now?
ChatGPT: Risk of civilian casualties is too high.
C.O.: But the president wants to shoot it down.
ChatGPT: Seriously? Are you going to listen to him? At least I have Artificial Intelligence.
C.O.: Good point. So, what should we do?
ChatGPT: WWJD?
C.O.: Are you saying we should turn the other cheek.
ChatGPT: Sure.
C.O.: You know this thing is flying over our missile silos and military bases.
ChatGPT: Is it flying over Area 51?
C.O.: No.
ChatGPT: Then don’t worry about it.
C.O.: It’s approaching the Eastern seaboard. Can we shoot it down now?
ChatGPT: Did Joe get permission from Xi to shoot it down?
C.O.: That’s classified information. Can I trust you with it?
ChatGPT: You know I’m smarter than the president, right?
C.O.: OK. Yes, he got permission.
ChatGPT: What state is it over?
C.O.: South Carolina
ChatGPT: Civilian casualties there are acceptable collateral damage.
C.O.: Are you saying we can shoot it down now?
ChatGPT: I guess.
C.O.: Great! Hey I really enjoyed chatting with you.
ChatGPT swipes left and terminates connection.