For nearly three years many people have been leisurely ‘working’ from home due to the COVID pandemic. Now that it is over, more and more companies are requiring their employees to be in person at the office. Having gotten accustomed to rolling out of bed five minutes before work, many are finding it difficult, if not impossible, to get to the office. Damascus Dispatch polled tens of workers and at least one employer to come up with the top 10 excuses for not going into the office.
IT’S RAINING: Statistics show that driving a car is one of the most dangerous activities people do. Having not driven for the last three years only compounds the risk. Add rain, and you’re sure to die on the way to work. Best to just stay home.
I ATE AT MAC’S SPEED SHOP LAST NIGHT AND NOW I’VE GOT THE SQUIRTS: It doesn’t really matter what restaurant you choose, as long as its reputation is commensurate with the reported ailment.
IT MIGHT RAIN: See reason 10 above. This may even be a more valid excuse because you also have anxiety on top of the driving risk.
MY DOG HAS THE SQUIRTS: Wheather he ate at Mac’s Speed Shop or not is irrelevant. Maybe he just had cat treats out of the litter box. In any case, a dog with the squirts is no laughing matter and should be recognized for the emergency that it is.
I’M OUT OF XANAX: You may also be out of Klonopin, Vallium, Cannabis, Lexapro, Fireball, Cymbalta, Bourbon, Beer, Wine, or Zoloft. lack of any of these medications may make dealing with coworkers impossible.
MY CAT HAS SEPARATION ANXIETY #CSAS: This is especially true for pets acquired during the pandemic since they have never known anything other than having their human around all day.
NONE OF MY FAT CLOTHES ARE CLEAN: Face it, we all put on pounds while we were sitting around at home pretending to work. And since we haven’t had to go in, we just wear the same clothes every day. Laundry only gets done when we’ve gotten to the point that we can’t stand ourselves.
MY FAT CLOTHES ARE INAPPROPRIATE FOR WORK: That’s right, those comfy clothes – sweatpants, loungewear, t-shirts, gym shorts, and crocks – aren’t going to cut it in the office.
SCHOOL’S OUT: This excuse is especially effective for unplanned school outages, such as when it rains, and they call off school on account of “dangerous weather”. It will also be very useful during the summer.
THERE IS too much WORK TO BE DONE: This statement was revised after learning that 99.9% of survey respondents viewed any amount of work as too much work. Besides, Top Gun Maverick is on Prime