On the evening of July 4th, five states were treated to an unforgettable nuclear fireworks show. News broke that Trump was leading polls in Pennsylvania, Michigan, Arizona, Georgia, and Nevada. Upon hearing the news, the President went to his top aid, Hunter Biden, for advice. Together, they decided that a huge free Fourth of July fireworks show would win back voters. Since nuclear war is no longer considered an existential threat, why not use the warheads for a spectacular show?
“I want the world to know that I am a peaceful warrior! Let’s use nuclear weapons for something good,” Biden said, just prior to launching the weapons. It was indeed a spectacular light show. The unforgettable nuclear fireworks show lasted nearly thirty minutes, lighting up the skies over five states. It is estimated that some eight million undecided voters were inadvertently wiped out. The Biden administration apologized, and reassured surviving family members that their loved ones ballots would be cast in absentia by the all caring democratic party.