Faced with the national emergency of a crippling red wave, President Biden was grasping at straws to ensure a Democratic win. Biden attempted to negotiate with national printing chain Kinko’s, to convert their operations into ballot printing factories. A move reminiscent of the Trump era, when the then president convinced GM and Ford to shift their automobile production lines to ventilator production in the early stages of the COVID-19 outbreak. Unfortunately for Biden, and apparently democracy itself, this attempt failed.
In an Zoom meeting that was attended by a handful of staffers and Blackrock investors, Biden laid out a plan where each Kinko’s office would print ballots in the format of their local precincts. The ballots would conveniently be pre-filled to save voters time in the booth. When none of the meeting participants offered to provide the service, Biden stated, “I just don’t know why we can’t get these greedy corporations to move at the speed of government in emergencies like this. Just print the ballots man. Just print them.”
One staffer pointed out that the polls had already closed across the country. Another added that if the Vice President had executed the proposed plan when it was assigned to her a few days ago, the effort would surely have succeeded. Harris, who was not on the call, later fired the staffer for insubordination. In a fit of rage, the VP was heard screaming that the staffer, “has no idea how difficult it has been for me and this entire administration as we watch all of our hard work fall apart at the hands of MAGA fascists.”
Attempts to reach Kinko’s executives for comment have gone unanswered.