Thursday afternoon, in the tradition of American presidents, Joe Biden offered a pardon to to his favorite living animal, the Tofurkey. While soy farmers across the country were incensed by the presidents ignorance, his supporters were quick to point out “The Science” that Tofurkeys are people too, and deserve to live long and prosperous lives.

The President’s wife Dr. Jill Biden chided her husbands critics, “Let them eat kale,” she said, when asked about the situation.