Shortly after recovering classified documents from the garage of Joe Biden’s Delaware home, investigators made a much more sinister discovery in the home’s kitchen: a gas stove. Surprisingly, Biden’s gas stove dilemma may be what ultimately takes him down. Democrats and media pundits were horrified at the release of a photo of Jill Biden cooking on the detested stove. ABC’s Sunday morning show Meet The Depressed, hosted a panel of journalists and politicians to discuss the issue. “I love that she’s wilting kale,” said CNN’s Don Lemon, “But my god, over an open flame?”
“Careful with the flame reference there Don,” chided the flamboyant Food Network host Johnny Weir. However, he ultimately agreed with Lemon on the subject. “It’s deplorable that she, an educator of all people, would engage in such toxic and harmful behavior.” Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (Socialist – NY) was also on the Sunday show. “I hate to say it, but if house republicans moved to impeach, I’d have to seriously consider supporting it. I might even let them ask me out on a date if they did.” Senate majority leader Chuck Schumer (D-NY) agreed with AOC and implied that a conviction was almost certain if it came to a senate trial.
At an unscheduled press conference Sunday afternoon, white house press secretary Karine Jean-Pierre defended Biden. “The president has made clear that this is a propane stove which does not emit toxic fumes like natural gas does.” Fox News correspondent Peter Doocy pointed out a glaring discrepancy in the president’s statement. “If it’s a propane stove, why don’t we see any propane tanks on the property?” Jeane-Pierre shuffled through her papers briefly before scolding Doocy. “If the president says it’s propane, Peter, then it’s propane. You need to learn to accept the facts.” She slammed her notebook shut and stormed out, ignoring any further questions from the gallery.