zelensky taps pelosi

On Tuesday, Ukraine president Volodymyr Zelensky fired a handful of senior leaders and cabinet members. Among them, Vasyl Lozynskyy, the acting minister for regional development, who was arrested on Sunday for funneling $400K in relief funds. The search for a corrupt politician who can operate more discretely didn’t take long. Early this morning Zelensky tapped US House Minority Leader, Nancy Pelosi (D-CA) for the job.

“Nancy is no stranger to politics, or corruption,” Zelensky stated in a broadcast speech. “She easily outwitted investigators in the purchase of Microsoft stocks just prior to being awarded a huge government contract. She also navigated her way out of investigations into her purchase of NVIDIA stocks ahead of legislation to boost semiconductor manufacturing. And her questionable trades in Tesla stocks remain unquestioned. She is exactly the type of leader we need.”

Pelozi could not be reached for comment. Her husband, however, just invested $750M in General Dynamics, maker of the M1 Abrams tank.