Last week Apple announced that it would embed its new “Apple Intelligence” product in the newest version of software for iPhone, iPad, and Mac products. According to Apple CEO, Tim Cook, “the ability to understand language and draw from personal context” will simplify life’s day to day tasks. But of all the new AI functions, #WDSRM is set to eclipse all others.
WDSRM allows clueless men to determine exactly what their wives or girlfriends are really saying. One simple prompt is all it takes: “Hey Siri, what does she really mean?”. With that, Apple Intelligence reviews the previous twelve minutes of recorded audio, for female voices. It evaluates the language, tone, vocal cadence, and inflection to decode hidden messages. In addition to evaluating audio, the camera stream is reviewed for any detectable female facial reactions and body movements. The AI then compiles the two streams of information, compares against known data, and advises the user on the true meaning of the conversation.
For a small subscription fee, men can opt-in to Suggested Responses (SR). These responses can appear on screen, or as audible queues in connected airPods. WDSRM(SR) also measures the female’s exhibited reaction to the Suggested Response. The reactions are fed back into the learning loop to improve future responses based on the particular female subjects’ preferences.
There’s an option to operate WDSRM in Stealth Mode (SM) which eliminates the need for the vocal Siri prompt. Running in the background, constantly monitoring female voice and video data, Stealth Mode provides real time 24X7 alerts to its clueless users, thus improving relationships every second of the day.
Finally, haptics can be enabled to warn the user when dangerous spousal reactions have been detected. We tested this out and found it surprisingly accurate. When the female subject asked, “Where do you want to go for dinner?” a short, mild vibration occurred. However, in a different conversation, when the female concluded with a stern, “Fine!” the phone nearly vibrated its screen off.
Apple Intelligence “aims to help users do the things that matter most to them.” What Does She Really Mean WDSRM(SR,SM) is poised to improve the lives of 98% of men around the globe.