The federal Department of Intersectional Equity (DIE) under the Biden administration has finally condemned Hamas. But not for the reason you would think. Their beef with Hamas rests in their failure to select enough diverse hostage victims. DIE spokesperson Pat Patterchild (We/We’re) stated, “we appreciate that Hamas captured a fair number of women hostages. However, there is no evidence of any LgBTQAI+n hostages in the group. Nor are there any obvious Vegan, Latinx, African, Handicapable, or Islamic hostages. This just isn’t fair.”
Patterchild went on to officially sanction Hamas. “This egregious violation of international law, not to mention the Geneva Convention, requires action. We simply will not stand for this inequality of outcomes for underrepresented marginalized groups. Therefore, the US DIE will be sending a strongly worded email to Whom It May Concern!” #MicDrop