In a stunning display of force, Joe Biden launched a small array of nuclear weapons at Hurricane Beryl. Beryl is the earliest and fastest developing Hurricane in recorded history. If left unabated, she was expected to become the size of the Eye of Jupiter by the time it made landfall later this week. Since, according to Biden, “the only existential threat to humanity is climate change,” he felt it was a good use of otherwise useless nuclear weapons. Gretta Thunburg along with a bevy of climate activists cheered in the background screaming, “Biden Nukes Beryl! Biden Nukes Beryl!”
After launching the attack on humanity’s greatest threat, Biden addressed the onlookers. “I know this looks extreme. But desperate times call for desperate women. Tropical Fiend Daryl Hannah is no longer a treat, no, I mean threat. A threat. No longer a threat to Hannity? Sean Hannity? No. Wait. She is no longer a threat to humanity. Although now that I think of it. I should have waited until she was over the oil rigs in the gulf.” He winked his eye and chuckled as he added, “could’ve taken them out with her.” After a cheer from the crowd, he finished, “Well anyway, Dr. Jill said she had some ice cream for me now, so… I gotta go.” He paused, squatted slightly, and grunted for a few seconds. Then grinned and said, “I guess I really did have to go.”