100,000 Rectal Thermometers Issued Under Biden’s Excessive Heat in the Workplace Rule

On Wednesday of last week, President Biden announced sweeping changes to protect workers from heat related injuries in the workplace. Federal Occupational Health and Safety Administration (OSHA) took immediate action. Natalicia Tracy, Senior Policy Advisor at OSHA stated, “We are behind the president on this one. And we’re behind every worker out there facing the heat. Therefore, we immediately issued 100,000 rectal thermometers to construction supervisors across the nation. The science has shown that rectal temperatures are the most accurate and only true measure of internal body temperature”

In addition to the 100,000 rectal thermometers, OSHA is in talks with Wal-Mart to distribute Sams Choice bottled water to heat exhausted workers. With an initial budget of $4Billion, OSHA is committed to distributing at least 17 cases of water by the end of 2026. “We’ve chosen Wal Mart for several reasons,” said Tracy. “First, they use 50% less plastic than Dasani water bottles. Second, they’re produced and filled in China, thereby lifting the standard of living for millions of Chinese laborers. Third, they cost 1/5th of that of other bottled waters and we can still charge American taxpayers $1.00/bottle. This self-funding model will ensure that the Biden’s Office of Heat Impairment Compliance in America (BOHICA) can continue indefinitely.”