Military forces clashed with vegan revolutionaries in the Netherlands this weekend after a government ban on avocados and brussels sprouts. Members of the citizen group Vegans Against Climate Activism (VACA) were crushed like tomatoes shortly after the revolt began. Government clashes with citizens in Netherlands have been escalating over increasingly oppressive climate laws. Last year, farmers blocked highways with tractors over fertilizer regulations and government land seziures.
This weekend, the Minister of Nature, Christianne van der Wall, announced an outright ban on avocados and brussels sprouts. Van der Wal cited “greater than average” greenhouse gas emissions of these products as the reason for the ban. “Avocados don’t grow in Europe and have to be flown in from across the globe. These are secondary emissions for Netherlands and ones we can afford to eliminate,” she said in a press briefing Saturday. “And the methane produced by human consumption of brussels sprouts is something I think we all agree we can live without.” That’s right, brussels sprout farts are now a huge concern for the Dutch government.
VACA vowed they would not take this latest attack on Dutch citizens lying down. Through social media, they quickly arranged massive protests across the country. Unarmed protesters hatched a plan to thwart police action by lining streets with banana peels and throwing rotten vegetables at law enforcement. Unfortunately for VACA, and millions of other unarmed protesters, the measures were no match for military tanks. In the end, hundreds of protesters lie, crushed like tomatoes, in the streets.
The avocado revolution ended faster than you could say “Bob’s your uncle”. Dutch citizens can now sleep well knowing that the government will protect them from brussels sprout blowback.