Not to be outdone by Girl Scouts, today the US Department of Defense (DoD) Announced their release of the newly commissioned Joint Forces Pride Medal. Defense Secretary Lloyd Austin gleefully provided details about the military’s newest commendation. “Our lgbTq÷n service Members have been marginalized for far too long. It is with great Pride that I announce the official commissioning of the Joint Forces Pride Medal. Medal of honor recipients of ages past would delight in knowing that the Joint Forces Pride Medal is now our nation’s top military honor.”
The medal, features an indistinct, apparently gay couple, festooned with curved phallic symbols along the medal’s edge, and the Latin phrase “Superbia Gay” below the two characters. The medal hangs from a ribbon colored to match the progressive pride flag. When not in full dress a simple progressive pride ribbon is worn by awardees in lieu of the medal.
Critics of the move by the DoD were quick to point out that the couple embossed on the medal appeared to be particularly masculine. Activists in the lgbTq÷n community were particularly triggered that lesbians and trans people were explicitly excluded from the design. They also took issue with the concept of a “couple” on the medal which unfairly excluded people in polyamorous, self-loving, and/or asexual relationships. A spokesperson spokes-entity for the group stated, “while we appreciate the DoD’s effort, they haven’t gone far enough to include everyone in the medals design.”
Las Vegas oddsmakers are taking bets as to which military branch will be the first to award the medal. The odds-on favorite is the U.S. Navy with 1.02:1 odds. Second is the U.S. Space Force with 3:1 odds. If you’re a betting man, and you like to go for the long shot, the payout if the US Marine Corps as the first to award the medal is 7954:1.