Mistaken Castration

“Francis” Elmsway recently woke up in a hospital with a cataclysmic pain in his crotch. He knew that his vasectomy was going to be painful, but he expected nothing like this. When he regained consciousness from the anesthetics, he asked the nurse why he was in so much pain. “It’s normal Francis. You’ll start to feel like your real self in a couple of days.”

“My name is Frank,” the patient replied.

“Oh Francis, you must still be feeling the anesthesia. Don’t deadname yourself like that.”

The problem is that Frank wasn’t deadnaming himself. He actually was Frank, but by some weird happenstance, the vasectomy he scheduled ended up being an orchiectomy aka mistaken castration.

Frank’s Francis’ situation, which was once unthinkable, is becoming more and more common. Damascus Dispatch has learned that vengeful adversaries can easily pull this off. First the perpetrator makes a call to Plume Clinic, an online “transgender health provider”. Posing as the victim, the perp requests a “letter of support” to get approval for the orchiectomy procedure. This takes about 20 minutes and $150. With letter in hand, the perp schedules the procedure with a participating “gender affirming care” clinic. He also schedules a vasectomy for the same victim. On the day of the procedure, the perp shows up at the clinic for the orchiectomy. The victim shows up for a vasectomy and the perp switches bracelets with the victim. What happens next? Voila! Mistaken castration, and Francis will never be the man he used to be.