China declares Prime Day a national holiday

China declares Prime Day as a national holiday on expectations it will generate billions in tax free revenue. Thanks to an obscure trade law known as the de minimus rule, goods less than $800 are not subject to U.S. import tariffs. The average Amazon Prime Day order is valued at $186, and consists of 84% Chinese made goods. With Amazon projecting $18 billion in sales for this year’s Prime Day event, China stands to net a whopping $15 billion.

President Joe Biden praised the move as a win-win for the CCP and Chinese laborers across the country. “I feel great that Americans can contribute to raising the tide of poverty. Lifting Russians from the bonds of the oppressive dictator Osamah Bin Laden. Xi Zhung Pong thermopolis de blavin!” With ice cream in hand, the president wandered off stage without incident. Mainstream media outlets praised the president for his bold praise of China. And that he didn’t trip as he left the press conference.