Damascus Dispatch has soared to the top of search engine results in recent weeks with its hard-hitting satire. Still, company executives are pursuing every opportunity to expand their reach. The big question lately has been “build or buy”. The company can continue to grow its followers in the extremely slow organic method as it has from its inception. Or, it could purchase a massive swath of followers by taking over a suitable competitor. Based on the outlandish headlines being produced at CNN lately, Damascus Dispatch will seize an opportunity to buy instead of build.
Editor In Chief, Peter Socul, announced the decision in a recent press release. “We’ve been struggling to keep up with the demand for high quality, hard-hitting satire since our inception last November. And while we’ve grown out subscribership to 17 (including 5 staff members), growth at this rate is not sustainable. For weeks we’ve been scouring the web for potential partners, and oddly, CNN bubbled up to the top. Their outlandish headlines naturally appear to mock society, a key goal of the Damascus Dispatch. So our goal is to acquire the company in a leveraged buyout, then rebrand it as the parody that it is.”
The source(s) of funding have not been disclosed, but all of the usual suspects are expected to be involved: Elon Musk, Warren Buffet, MacKenzie Scott, Larry Ellison, and Carlos Slim Helu, to name a few.