On March 11th Damascus Dispatch suspended field correspondent Dilford Schlage for suspected identity fraud. exactly two weeks later, CNN scoops digital blackface and takes it viral on Twitter. Based on the monumental response, Damascus Dispatch has chosen to reinstate Dilford without prejudice. Additionally, the satire outlet will compensate Mr. Schlage for lost wages during his suspension. Finally, to show Mr. Schlage appreciation for the additional website exposure, Damascus Dispatch will double his annual incentive bonus for 2023.
Investigative Anthropologist Robert Undercroft, who was extremely supportive of Dilford during this trying period, expressed relief in his reinstatement. “The sheer hilarity of being suspended for such a perceived insular offence as digital blackface cannot be understated. I, for one, was utterly and immensely amused at the spectacle of the whole affair. Thank God cooler heads prevailed in the end they recognized, as they should, Mr. Schlage’s unquestionable integrity.” For his support, Mr. Undercroft’s incentive bonus will also be doubled. Well done men. Well done!