Digital rectal exam

Major medical schools have been dropping admission requirements in order to attract more marginalized groups into their programs. With lowered standards some students are accepted without understanding English or being able to perform simple math operations such as addition or subtraction. While many are ecstatic about the fairness in opportunity, at least one person, Bill Asschapped, is not. In fact, Bill died as a result of the low admission standards.

While getting a routine physical, Bill was led into an exam room by Dr. Dunno Nuttin, a fifth-year resident at the Harvard Medical School. Dr. Nuttin was directed to perform a simple digital rectal exam on Mr. Asschapped. After several minutes, the attending physician, who heard screaming from the exam room, checked in to see what was possibly wrong. He discovered that Dr. Nuttin had no idea what a digital rectal exam was. Instead of inserting a finger to check the patient’s prostate, Dr. Nuttin used his iPhone 15 to inspect Mr Asschapped’s rectum. The device got stuck and as Dr. Nuttin attempted to forcibly remove it, Mr Asschapped suffered irrecoverable bowel injuries.

There are many reasons they call it Diversity Inclusion and Equity (DIE), and Mr Asschapped is one.