New York City Department of Environmental Protection is at it again, finding creative new ways to reduce the city’s carbon footprint. Their latest effort, the Solid Waste Environmental Efficiency Plan (SWEEP) provides a three pronged approach at reducing carbon emissions. First, the city will immediately retire its fleet of diesel fueled garbage trucks. Next, 75% of all food packaging will be required to be made of edible material, so citizens can eat their own garbage. Finally, since garbage will no longer be collected by city dump trucks, remaining trash will be composted in the streets.
The city’s Environmental Commissioner Rohit Aggarwala presented the plan late Saturday. When questioned about the timing of the plan. “The planet is far beyond the tipping point. Immediate action is required if we want to make it through the next 12 months. The Solid Waste Environmental Efficiency Plan, or SWEEP, as I like to call it, will go into effect Monday July 3rd.” Aggarwala went on to detail out the reasoning behind the plan.
“Selling our garbage truck fleet will bring immediate cash into the city’s coffers. That money is desperately needed to aid illegal immigrants in the city. Edible packaging will eliminate 99.9% of the solid waste currently being generated. It will also help lower the cost of food, since consumers can use the free edible packaging as additional meals. Composting the remaining waste in the street is a brilliant idea for several reasons. The giant compost heaps will provide safe green spaces for children to play on. This will help reduce child obesity. Secondly streets filled with compost heaps will impede traffic, thus encouraging greater use of mass transit. Fewer cars on the street means less carbon in the air.”
Critics of the Solid Waste Environmental Efficiency Plan were quickly silenced under new EPA regulations that prohibit climate denial claims.