Hundreds of workers will lose their jobs after the FDA bans fudge rounds. The FDA action was triggered by the release of Oliver Anthony’s viral hit song Rich Men North of Richmond. In the song, Anthony complains to fat people that, “taxes ought not to pay for your bags of Fudge Rounds.” FDA Commissioner Dr. Robert Califf stated, “we couldn’t agree more! We’ve conferred with the USDA on measures to prevent abuse of the SNAP (aka food stamp) program. While a longer term solution is in the works, the immediate threat has been abated. Closing the toxic fudge round factories was our only option.”
The commissioner went on thank Oliver Anthony for pointing out this glaring problem. “Thanks to Mr. Anthony we’ve shut this whole operation down. And we’ll be looking at other industries to go after as well.”
Factory workers at the Little Debbie plant in Collegedale Tennessee were crushed at the news. “We had no warning,” one woman said. “They shouldn’t be allowed to just shut us down because we make cookies.” The “journalist” conducting the interview suggested, “Well maybe you should have been making Kind bars instead. Did you ever think about that?”